MY
These walls carry so much history. When I first arrived at the Josephinum, the older seminarians took us newbies on a tour of the campus's more hidden areas. The paths to attics, storage rooms, into basement libraries, onto turrets and up the main bell tower have been passed on from seminarian to seminarian for about 100 years. Don't worry, the paths are plenty safe and the management isn't discouraging about it. We don't go anywhere that's locked or officially off-limits.
One such room is a basement closet of the college building filled with boxes of sacramentals long unused like prayer cards, medals, or rosaries. Another seminarian and I took it upon ourselves to start organizing the piles and bags so they could be brought to our communal exchange area for easier access. That's actually how I got my rosary - I found it hiding among the mess. (Don't remember? Read the last post!) I've never been picky about rosaries and I've cherished every one I've owned, but this rosary has a special value to me. I've never seen one that I thought was more beautiful, and I've taken it to be a little gift from Our Lady for taking on this act of charity. The best gifts come in little packages... or little rosary pouches, for that matter. As the year of St. Joseph comes to a close, it's important for me to remember the history of this school that takes him as its patron. At every mass, prayer, or conference, we invoke his intercession. The most important tradition for any seminarian at the Josephinum is taking the Terror of Demons, the Guardian of the Redeemer, the Chaste Heart, and the Protector of the Holy Church, St. Joseph, as our role model and foster father. As we sing before every meal, Sancte Ioseph, protector noster, ora pro nobis! Saint Joseph, our protector, pray for us! P.S. Happy Thanksgiving! I am giving thanks to the Lord for all of you and your generosity. By the way, the photo above is from St. Joseph Chapel, the house chapel of the Theology wing. I figured it was fitting considering the history of the buildings and the Josephic theme.
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We try to live simple lives at seminary. Most of our needs are taken care of so we have time to pray and study. Our rooms don't need too many furnishings and are too small to have many added comforts. That said, we do treat ourselves to a nice sacramental or two.
For some liturgical processions, every seminarian wears a cassock and surplice. (The cassock is the black buttoned down robe, the surplice is a shorter, white linen vestment worn over the top of the cassock.) If you let yourself get distracted, a procession can turn into a bit of a runway show. Some surplices have intricate lace designs, some have pleats, some have square necklines, and some have round necklines. Different dioceses can have their own surplice designs, and the Josephinum even has a set with the seminary emblem embroidered on it for when a Bishop comes to celebrate mass. Communal rosaries can turn out the same. Every guy has his go-to rosary. Some like knotted beads, others prefer wood, stone, or solid metal. Some like the chain-links while others prefer braided rope or paracord. You have your Irish crosses, your papal crucifixes, your Taus and your Benedictines. Rugged rosaries are very popular. I've included a picture of my favorite rosary. It's solid metal, which gives it some weight in your hands, but each bead is shaped like roses to remind me that each Hail Mary is a rose for Our Lady. Each Our Father bead has one of the major basilicas in Rome pictured on it. While it's easy to get caught up in the material, these sacred objects really do help us pray. We wouldn't treasure them so much if they didn't point our thoughts and prayers back to Christ. In the end, He's all that matters. It's difficult to know what to expect of a silent retreat. I've been on a weekend long retreat before, but never on anything as extended as a 5-day retreat. I did my best not to form any expectations in advance, but I knew one thing for certain: nobody who puts effort into a silent retreat ever leaves as the same person.
Truth be told, I wasn't in the best frame of mind for a couple of days before the retreat. The stresses of academia and self-improvement were weighing heavily on me. I was tired, anxious, and a little depressed. The seminary rented a bus for us to travel across Ohio to the Maria Stein Retreat Center in the Diocese of Cincinnati. The 40 minute ride was easily filled by a recitation of the Rosary and copious acapella Irish songs. The latter is a Diocese of Columbus thing... The actual silence didn't start until our first conference, led by retreat master Archbishop Carlson, the retired bishop of St. Louis. He gave several talks a day and had a number of hours set aside for spiritual direction every morning and evening. Everyone made a point to meet with him and he was almost never alone in the confessional. His theme was simple: in the silence, God speaks. He understood that it was his job to guide our prayer and help us recognize what God is saying . We had a simple schedule. Mass first thing in the morning, breakfast immediately after, and then our first conference. There was an hour and a half window of free time/spiritual direction and then lunch. After lunch, we had another couple hours of free time before Vespers, dinner, and an open evening. Our typical seminary schedule can be very demanding on our sleep, so the ability to get a little more rest was very refreshing. The grounds of the retreat center were beautiful. The trees were at the peak of autumn. Fountains, statues, grottoes, hiking trails, and beautiful Ohio farmland extended as far as the eye could see. Notably, there was a chapel on the retreat center grounds that had over 900 relics on display. It is one of the largest collections of relics in the world. Although this chapel closed every evening, the church down the street was open 24-7. Even the walk to this church was pleasant, going through a charming neighborhood, past a community park, and by an old Catholic cemetery associated with the church. We spent most of our time walking, reading, and praying. The greatest fruit of the retreat for me was the reminder to rejoice in what God has done for me. A great danger for anyone trying to follow Our Lord is the temptation to focus always on the negative, what needs to be improved, what's imperfect, or one's own sinfulness. I've been falling into this trap a lot, even with traits or actions that aren't sinful. I've taken some of the gifts God has given me and I haven't rejoiced in them as much as I needed to. Obviously, spending time in COVID quarantine threw a wrench in the works of my semester and has made things difficult ever since. In some ways, it's felt like I never left that isolation. That's been hard to bear. What I missed is that it drew me into an interior silence with the Lord. Previously, I might've had a hard time entering into the silence, but this time it was an easy transition because a part of me was still silent in the Lord's presence. By the end of the retreat, I was able to thank God for parts of my life that I couldn't before, and I recognized that what I thought were trials were actually great blessings. One night, during adoration, I received an image of a flower. God showed me that I was hung up focusing on the stem. It is certainly true that the flower can neither be supported nor receive nutrients without the stem. So too, I’m desperately weak without God. But I was so obsessed over my weakness that I forgot to appreciate the beauty of the flower. I haven't rejoiced enough in the good fruits God has already borne in me. Ever since the retreat, I've been filled with a supernatural joy that I bless God for. At the same time, any retreat is like turning over a rock and discovering that it's pretty disgusting underneath. There are new struggles now, but as I go through them, I do not want to forget how good it is for me to be right where I am, how much God loves me, how much He delights in me, and how much beauty He's already brought out of my weakness. One funny story to close. It was about 10pm, and I was lying in my bed trying to sleep, when a blinding light started flashing in my face. (No, it was not an angel. I haven't received that grace yet, but maybe after a 30-day silent retreat..?) The racket gave it away - somehow the fire alarm was triggered. It was at that point in the evening when nothing really makes sense, so in a stupor I grabbed a rosary and some clothes and hobbled outside. There I met with all the other guys in various stages of dress. One guy didn't have a shirt, while another was in his full religious habit... with every button perfectly buttoned. We attempted to maintain silence, but priests and seminarians alike put it aside in the stress and oddity of the moment, and gladly lightened the mood with a little humor. Turns out a guest (not a seminarian) had a shower that was a little too hot, and it triggered the alarm. The fire department came and gave the all-clear. After all that adrenaline, many of us stopped by the chapel to pray and gather ourselves before trying to sleep again. Just another adventure in the life of a seminarian. We take addiction very seriously at the seminary. We have support groups, accountability partners, and talks meant to help break any holds the world has over our lives... but there is one addiction that is ravaging the Josephinum: Fruit Loops.
At almost every hour of the day, you'll find a guy in the refectory preparing or munching on a bowl of unnaturally colored and artificially flavored circlets of goodness. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner are acceptable times for cereal. Cinnamon Toast Crunch has nothing on the vaguely fruity rings! P.S. A post on my silent retreat is in the works. I had a great time - God is so good! Thank you all for your prayers and be assured of mine for you. |
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July 2023
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